What about me?
by jadedj8
Summary: AU. In love, there is not room for mistakes because one wrong move is all it takes to end a enduring relationship. One wrong move can also lead to a chain of more wrong moves. If the mistake has been made is there a way to rectify it? Yullen. Laven.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Hoshino Katsura.

**A BIG THANK YOU TO Kini-Ainotsuki** for informing about the language thingy. You see - I accidentally published it under the spanish section. LOL!! No wonder no one was reading my fic!! but the best news is that the** manga is starting it's run again!! So happy!! I am loving D. Gray-man more and more!! Did you see the Yullen moment in chapter 182?!! YULLEN!! YULLEN!! YULLEN!! **

**Chapter 1: Lovers**

As the city sleeps, its night lights seemed to have reflected onto the midnight sky in the form of a million glittering stars as a perfect moon silently watches over San Francisco. Well – the moon wasn't the only one watching over the city. In a villa nested high up on one of San Francisco's Twin peaks, a young lover indulged in the silent company of his beloved and basked in the sensations those long, slim fingers left on his skin. Even with a mere thin bedspread and his lover's body flush against his naked back to shield against the cold night, the young British boy was warmed to the toes.

The cool night breeze gently lifted white translucent curtains as well as strips of ebony, swirling them in its path. The Asian, older male had his arms protectively around the boy, and at the same time holding the bedspread tight around the boy, exposing only the head and shoulders. Occasionally the older lover would fuss over the bedspread, tugging it higher to wrap the British boy more warmly - their quiet intimacy only amplified the sweet and pure love that they shared.

"Happy Anniversary, moyashi."

"It's Allen, Bakanda"

"Che - whatever"

"Anyway – is this all you can do keep me warm?" – A line so suggestive in the ears of the Asian, he was hard just from hearing those words.

"Ohhh… Perhaps it would be better if you took a more proactive approach to warm yourself."

Scooping up the lightweight, the lovers made their way towards their bed. But the young man was unprepared to have boyfriend falling back onto the bed, forcing him to straddle his lover. "Ride me"

---

On this same night 2 years ago, the two had met – in the washroom at some random nightclub. The attraction was instanteous – drawn to the other like magnets as they crossed paths. 5 seconds was all it took to commit the other's features to memory. If fate had a role to play in their matchmaking – both had decided to leave the dance floor for a breather at the exact same instance. By chance, they had bumped into each other as they jostled themselves out of the human pool. It should have been anger – displeasure at being jabbed in the ribs or stepped on the foot. But mysteriously, being centimetres from kissing the other; it was like being in a trance; a sensory overload. The feel the other's breath; the heat from that body; the scent… When the younger boy was pushed into the waiting arms of the Asian - their fate was sealed. Before they knew it, they were seen leaving the club together fingers interlocked, making out at a dark alley the next moment.

At the age of 17, Allen Walker looks no different from any teenage – save for his head full of white hair that complimented his pale complexion. But Allen was the kinda guy that everyone wanted to bed; the perfect specimen to convert any straight man. Slightly shorter than most guys, smart, good looking, porcelain skin, plus those slender hips, firm round butt and throw in the megawatts smile and wala! If you hadn't known better, you might think he was one to be bullied in school because of his size. But he wasn't a push over – give him a bike and he turns into a daredevil with the blink of an eye. Being the youngest freestyle motocross rider, he had defied critics with his skills, grace and ability, steadily winning titles all over the world.

His boyfriend was another head turner with his elegant features, and lean, muscular physic. A true blue bishounen with creamy skin and long silky hair – but call him effeminate and he will skin you with his precious katana. In reality, Kanda had clinched the All Japan Kendo Championship three years in a row and still holds the record of being the youngest to ever hold the title. Graduating with his Economics and Finance double degree by the end of the year, Kanda Yuu was to be next in line to head the multinational company, Kanda Group. Smart, rich and handsome were all the qualities of a perfect boyfriend. Well he was – almost perfect if he wasn't such a bastard.

"Ugh… I-I need some… help here…"

"Getting tired so soon? I thought you had more stamina than that. Anyway I think you are doing fine at the speed you were going."

"You. Fu-fucking. Bas-tard."

Kanda barely managed to answer without pausing to pant. He knew Allen was tired and ready to burst but that was the whole point. Occasionally, he loved to set his sadistic self out to torture his lover a little. Not like it wasn't a torture for him. Every ounce of control was needed to refrain himself from grabbing those slender hips and ramming in hard - but now his hands merely skimped the flushed and sweaty skin. Yet it was all worth the effort seeing his lover desperately riding him; the face so close to going over the edge and how those muscles moved under the skin, best of all, the feel of the body squeezing and pulling him in. It was just very fantastic slow sex.

Under normal circumstances, Allen would throw a better response but he was just too damn close; yet not being able to go over the edge. His erection was so hard it was painful. And god – his thighs were burning… How long more did he have to ride! Frustrating!! Everything now boils down to a matter of pride. Like he is ever going to cry and beg for release.

"Argh!! "

Just when the desperate boy was contemplating ending the ride and finishing himself off somewhere; a big warm hand suddenly squeezed him really tight and pulled. It was more of the shock of pain than the feel of warm skin on him that forced a loud gasp. But it was just what he needed to go over the edge as the hand firmly jerked and milked him of thick pearly fluid. Precision thrusts in time with the jerks, ramming his prostate pushed him into a harder orgasam, sending his body into a spasm. Pain and pleasure overcame the pride as tears rolled down his cheeks. _Fuck - it feels so damn good!! _After the worst of the shudders subsided, allen managed to find his lungs.. and started breathing again.

"You. You really are the biggest bastard ever."

"Nah – I don't think I am that big, maybe big enough to satisfy you I supposed" Amusement dancing in his eyes – just the right buttons to push to make his lover to explode. And explode he did.

---

**Hey guys~! I am back with a new fic! A short introductory chapter with a dash of citrus flavouring to start the ball rolling. Not sure if Kanda is a little OC here but he is going to be more in character in future though more doting. Lol. Apparently, I only have strong urges to write when it is close to my exams. *OMG* **

**Will be slow to update so bear with me. Hope you liked it.**


	2. Come With Me

_Urgh – D. Gray-man has gone on hiatus AGAIN!! and just when I thought I was going to learn something more about Kanda-sama!! I am pissed.. Dang. Anyway I am done with my exams this year~! Yeah yeah yeah!! _

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man

**Chapter 2: Come with me**

In their spacious villa, Allen sat at his favourite corner seeping his green tea, his small hands curled around the warm ceramic cup. Nearly half of the living room's walls were replaced with floor-to-celling glass windows so it was always a picture-perfect scenery but the far corner of the living room where Kanda was sitting presented the best view in the entire universe. From his corner, Allen was able to angle himself 45 degrees to observe Kanda's side view as well as his beautiful back while he worked at the dining table. Kanda, the ikemen of ikemens, had this overwhelming appeal whenever he is totally engrossed in his work. the 17 year old never gets bored watching him. Sometimes he would fall into a trance-like-state after staring for too long, so much so that he didn't even notice Kanda had turned around to face him square.

'Hey idiot – stop doing that, it makes you look like you are blind, your eyeballs were hardly moving at all...'

Kanda's deep voice broke him out of his trance though not fast enough for him to catch what he said so he could only look at his lover clueless-ly and raise his eyebrows - 'Hmmm?'

The normally quick-witted Japanese would have made a comment but damn – the way Allen was looking at him, the way the sunlight seemed to make him glow and the way he was huddled up in the chair made him look so fragile and innocent. His body was screaming at him to 'FUCK ALLEN NOW!!' But Allen was supposed to be meet Lavi in an hour's time. On second thoughts, he might not be seeing him for the next few days so...

'See something you like?' The Japanese huskily whispered as he took measured steps toward the young man. One hour was more than enough for a quickie.

'Eh – I... Oi! No!! No! You can't!! I am supposed to meet Lav-' The poor boy lost his chance to protest the moment his lover quickly closed the gap between them and sealed their lips together. Tea cup was wrestled out of small hands and left on the table, as the two were engaged in a dance of passion. Large hands moved hungry and fast; smaller hands pulled and clutched. Clothing were sent flying as the lovers fell onto the couch unceremoniously, and Kanda efficiently prepared his lover before entering. Only four words summed up Allen's feeling – too fast, too furious. It was a matter of minutes before both of them released.

'You. Are. An. Idiot. Now I have gotta take another bath and it takes a lot of time to clean up! And I am going to be late. Get out of me already...' His protest grew softer and softer as he spoke. _It's embarrassing saying such things in his face even though we have known each other for so long._

'Well – if I wasn't mistaken, you hardly protested at all.' The Japanese male punctuated each word with a shallow thrust of his hips and it took all of Allen's strength not to moan. _Ha – what are you going to say about that._

'I am going to the bathroom. Hmpf.' The smaller of the two struggled to escape but only succeeded in rubbing himself against his lover's body more and creating more pleasurable sensations.

'Since you are going to bath again – let's have another round then.' With that, the Japanese started a quick rhythm, thrusting into that tightness as his lips and tongue toyed with a pretty pink nipple. 'You nnn ahh ah haa _ahhh_..'

The battle was lost the second Kanda's big and warm hand wrapped around his sensitized member and soon, he came a second and third time before Kanda finally pulled out. Not that he will ever admit it but he loved it when Kanda pestered him for sex. It made him feel strangely sexy. It felt even better when he paid so much attention to his sexual needs, touching him at all the right places to come again and again. As the trembling boy laid on the couch trying to recover the use of his limbs, the Japanese male pulled on his pants and went off to defrost a pack of dangos. He always made a box of it as a good luck charm for Allen before his performances.

'Honey – it's already 2.30pm. You should have been in town meeting half an hour ago. You should wake up and get ready for work!' - a sentence befitting a demure, homely wife.

'Holy cow – shit Kanda. You are always doing such things.' The poor fella had to half walk, half wobble his way to the bathroom. Allen had to go over to LA for a round of promotion performance for the Red Bull FMX event just one week away. Kanda always made it a point to prepare dangos as a good luck charm whether he was simply training or going for a competition. Motocross was a dangerous sport but he was confident that Allen had enough skill not to injure himself. Not that he wasn't worried sub-consciously.

'OH NO IT'S 3.15PM ALREADY!– I am out of here! Don't miss me!' A quick passionate kiss and the dangos tossed into his bag, Allen jumped into his bike and thundered his way down the hill. With a small smile, the Japanese man made his way back into the house. 'Hmmm – I am missing him already.'

---

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE EVENT OF THE YEAR IS JUST ONE WEEK AWAY! RED-BULL X-GAMES 2009..."

Every year, RED-BULL X-GAMES brings together the world's top FMX riders and the world's most celebrated bull-fighting arenas to create the most intense freestyle motocross event on the planet. This year's event will be held in one of Texas' bull fighting arenas and the audience can be sure to catch loads of action - spectacular stunts and crashes. Like all forms of acrobatic stunts, freestyle motocross involved high levels of risk and very high levels of training was required as well. The intense physical demand of motocross derives from the fact that the racer of the bike must keep complete control of a 200+ pound bike, while also maintaining their top speed throughout the stunts. But it was the intensity and the excitement that made it so intoxicating – be it the adrenaline from the gravity-defying stunts or the cheers and roars of approval from the audience. It was his drug; almost as good as having sex with Kanda – 'almost' being the keyword.

Dressed in his trademark all white riding suit and together with his trusty Suzuki bike, Crown Clown, Allen was all set to take the audiences' breath away. Behind the mask of megawatts smiles and pretty boy looks was a daredevil at heart. His reputation as one was cemented when he landed the double backflip in last year's X-Games, the first person ever to complete the stunt that others had died trying to perform. Venue of today's promotion performance was the open air car park square where raised platforms, 4 stories high were set up. Spins, back flips, and breaking contact of the bike in mid air – was all in a day's job. Today's performance was going to be perfect as always. The sun wasn't too bright or hot, the wind was only a gentle breeze. It was simply a perfect day.

Back at home, Kanda opened the mailbox, only to found a letter addressed to him. Nowadays the only things flooding his mailbox were bills but this letter alone was more than enough to depress the Japanese compared to a stack of $10, 000 credit card bills. The handwriting was all he needed to see to know who had sent it - no doubt, it was another persuasion letter to get him to return to Japan. He has been pushing back his succession as far as he could but now there was hardly any excuses left. Kanda had traveled halfway around the globe simply because he wanted to be as faraway from Japan as possible. If he studied in Japan, he would probably be forced to succeed the company even before his graduation was over and it was the last thing he wanted. And so he sat depressed and sulking in the living room. He stayed there the whole day before he finally mustered sufficient courage to rip the envelop open.

Kanda sat in the dark – caught in a trance and not even bothering about the letter carelessly left on the table. Marie, his half brother, had written to inform him that he was requested to return to as soon as possible because Father suffered a stroke. His other half brothers were already heading other branches and all that was left was the HQ in Japan that his old man used to head. The only one without a position in the company was him and since he was graduating soon - he was the best candidate. Kanda would have been an idiot not to see the stresses on words: 'Hospitalized' , 'to take it easy' and 'Urged to return quickly'. This was absolutely frustrating!! There was no other way but to return, he knew, yet the Japanese refused to accept it. Life here was comfortable and he hated disruption to his life and there was no telling what Allen's reaction would be. His intuition told him that it was a gimmick by the old man to get him to return but millions of people's livelihood depended on the family company. Someone needed to be at the HQ to facilitate the operations and that old man knew he couldn't refused. He was not one to put people's livelihood at stake. _Shit._ Enclosed in the letter was a one way ticket back to Japan. There is no running, and what's left is to break the news to Allen.

---

Two days since the 17 year old left the house, he crashed into the front door of their villa, dragging his tired body into the living room. Sometimes Allen doubts that living on the twin peaks was a good idea because riding the bike up was one hell of an exercise. Moaning his greetings to his lover, Allen dragged himself up to their room for a bath as quickly as he could. He was so hungry – he could eat two horses and Kanda's dinner was his only drive at the moment. At the dinner table, there was no missing the strange state that Kanda was in. He seemed tensed and preoccupied, and he dare say – troubled?

'Kanda – What's on your mind? You hardly touched your dinner... Are you sick?' The British boy leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. 'Your temperture is normal. What's the problem?' When Kanda looked at him in the eyes, the boy felt a tinge of fear. Why was kanda looking so forlorn? The both of them started at each other for what seemed like a eternity as Allen waited for Kanda to speak up.

'I am going back to Japan – wanna come with me?'

_Japan_ – Allen was caught off guard and it was the last thing he had expected to hear. Even though he knew his lover would one day have to to return to his motherland, he had refused to give it much thought. Truth was, Allen was afraid of what might happen to them if Kanda went back to Japan. Would he find another girl and dump him? Would he be too busy with the company and forget about him? It was the insecurity that if they changed their lifestyle, they might break up and it would kill him if that ever happened. Kanda was his everything ever since Mana died. So when Kanda pitched the idea to Allen to return to Japan together, he vehemently refused.

The 17 year old wanted to continue his career because it was like his life and he couldn't do without it. All his friends were here! Not knowing the language, he was bound to have a hard time over there too. Plus, he might never get used to the culture there. No matter how hard Kanda begged, Allen refused to give in and this was the first time Kanda had ever begged anyone for anything. While the school boy was throwing 1001 reasons to not go to Japan, Kanda was brainstorming 1001 solutions to each of his reasons. Still the British boy refused to give in – refused to change his mind even if Kanda said he would personally divert funds to organize events just for him. So caught up in his fear, Allen had forgotten that maybe Kanda might not have wanted to go Japan in the first place. Having Allen move to Japan with him was a best option for them so that they could continue being together, living together..

Kanda reasoned with him: how long did would his career with FMX last? 10 years? 30 or 40? He would probably reach his peak before 30 and what was he going to do? Join the circus? He should also consider his future and make a more mature decision. Perhaps he might even fall in love with other forms of sports in the duration of his stay there. It would be good for them to shift to Japan. Allen might find a job and settle down or he would even create a position for him in his company if he wished. Allen felt betrayed that Kanda would say such a thing. Motocross racing always made him feel so happy, his achievements, his confidence. From this point onwards, it was a spiral downwards as both of them were caught up in frustration and anger.

'NO NO NO!! I don't want to move! Just because I don't want to!'

'FINE. I wouldn't force you then. Apparently your flimsy career is more important than me – let's break up so we can go our separate ways!'

Kanda had enough – he wasn't going to play nice anymore just because the kid was being so stubborn and immature. He had been spending the past few nights trying to think of the best options for their future, and moving over together was it. So why can't he give in just once and consider it? He was already tied down by the succession issue and given the choice, he would never want to back. It's frustrating. His heart had no place for such a childish and inconsiderate lover. Perhaps Allen wasn't the one for him. Not even bothering to look at Allen again, Kanda left the house, taking the car out for a drive.

All the tensions left with Kanda's departure and in its wake was sorrow, fear and despair. Allen collapsed onto the floor and tears that he was desperately trying to swallow burst forth. fear that Kanda was really going to dump him made him tremble in fear. Was Kanda really going to break up with him? They had never fought so badly and they always patched up before the day was over. Kanda was his life, his everything. He couldn't bear to break up with him. If Kanda came back, he would be sure to seek forgiveness. He just need time to think things over - everything happened to abruptly. He just needed more time.

Speeding off, Kanda drove for hours without a aim in mind. He was so troubled over the whole moving issue and Allen was being so damn incooperative. Perhaps it was time they took a break from each other. Time to reorganize priorities. And perhaps Allen was not so high in his priorities.

**Hey yo people! It's been a long time since I updated. From this point onwards, there will be less lemons and more emotionally-charged chapters. Please do point out my flaws so that I can work on them! E.g. – too long-winded, not enough emotions, messy plot, etc. Many thanks! reviews please!!**


End file.
